A night out with new revelations through new eyes.
Continue readingThey’re just my people
Posted on 4, Nov
I’m currently…get this…lost in Seoul, South Korea, and freezing cold, so I stopped into a coffee shop to…get this…try their coffee…I don’t like coffee here either…but I tried. I wrote this blog on the plane on the way here….
I am currently somewhere over Russia on a plane to the opposite side of the world, with a struggle I always seem to battle with loneliness. Who do I know on this plane? Nobody. The guy next to me doesn’t understand any English…and I know no Korean…great combination. The entire journey to get to Bangkok is going to take me somewhere around 34 hours…34 hours of not talking to anyone I know. 34 hours of dare I say introvert time? I don’t actually know how to operate in that way anymore!
I’m not so keen on saying goodbye to people. Something about it just doesn’t work for me. Maybe it’s the extreme extrovert that screams from deep within me realizing it will be a loooong time before I have that place of relational security again. It could be the battle I have with loneliness. It’s possible that I’m simply going to miss people, all over again in life. I had breakfast with my parents, and dinner with two great friends just before 4 other great friends took me to the airport. I would have it no other way, but in all honesty I’m not sure that was the best option. Smiles from me weren’t easy as I said bye to those few people, instead thoughts of all I’d be missing out on overwhelmed me.
That’s just what I do though. I struggle to balance this portion of life. On one hand, I love the people I’ve been doing life with. I love the consistency of it all. I promise this Thursday when I’m not playing cards or watching a movie with Erin and her family, I’ll have a void deep within. When I hear that Matt is leading worship somewhere and I’m not there, something will be missing in me. When Caroline is eating sprinkles and I’m not there, another void will form. When I hear of … Ok, you get the point … Every single thing my friends and family do without me, something within me will cry out. Yet there’s the other side of all of this. What if I stayed? What if I never did leave for Thailand? Well, the opposite would be true. Every time I heard about some children not having a home, something within me cries out. Every time I hear about another village needing love, something is missing. Every time another child is trafficked, something inside screams. It’s a balance that wears me out. One that I never find peace in, but I know I’m doing the thing I need to be doing, even when it is coming at a cost.
I do life with some great people, I always have. In high school, college, North Carolina, then my World Race squad, the World Race staff, my Georgia people, and now Ray and Candace, an incredible couple I’ll be doing life with in Thailand. I’ve said “goodbye” to my Georgian friends or parents and family for awhile, but when I’m back, I’ll treasure the moments we’re together all the more.
…and while I’m away I’ll be scheming more strategy that will allow me to {actually} dominate in card games…sorry Coop (and s&s), you be goin down…
Continue readingLove Reclaimed
Posted on 24, Oct
I’m not even sure where to start this blog…On one hand I’d like to open my mind, heart, and soul and pour it all over these words, and on the other I’d like to end it now with some pretty little poem or witty comments….oh well, here it goes….
People need love in their lives, without it our type goes crazy and insane. The Bible is filled with examples of people needing love, crying out for love, going to the edge of all things for love.
God is love.
Jesus came to Earth out of love.
Paul gave instructions for love.
David wrote books on love.
And still, from the very beginning of it all, man has always been in search of love, and still today, after all these years, after all these instructions, after all these examples and how-to’s, we still struggle with finding love and satisfaction in our hearts. And worse yet, we push back love when it comes freely running at us full speed ahead.
A few weeks ago, I felt that God revealed something to me about myself. He said, “Mark, when you feel the least loved and the most lonely, it often coincides with the exact times that you aren’t offering and pouring out love to those around you.” WHAT? but…shouldn’t…they…maybe…can’t…argh…wait, what if He’s right?
So then my cynical self tries to throw it back in His face (by the way, this is never a good idea…) and throw exact times that I’d like to say flip you, I can’t love this or that person because of this or that situation…somehow during that I hoped that God would sit back and be blown away with my reasoning and say I’m right, snap his fingers and make things different, instead he simply said, love them. Love them.
Love them?
But…why am I the one that always has to initiate it, God? (uh oh…bad idea to go with that argument…)
“Wait, Mark, YOU initiated it with Me? Nope.
I loved you long before you knew me.
I loved you when you turned your back on me.
I was patient that time you walked away.
I claimed you when you ….
I protected you when…
I wrote your name when you…
I rejoiced over you when….
I choose you from the very beginning…
I extended grace every time you..
I …
I …
I …
What part of that did you initiate? That was all before you even cared to acknowledge I existed…shall I go on?”
Ok, so I lost that one…I gained from it too though (so ultimately I win?). I came to a new level of understanding of God’s love for us all. Since the very beginning, He’s won the battle. He’s chased and pursued us from long before we even existed. He loved us out of perfection in the garden, and He loves us out of perfection on the cross. He loves us in our suffering, He loves us when we turn our back. He’s never given up on us. He’s never turned his back on us. He loves us 100% right now. He’s never been more fond of us. I’d like to think He loves me more now than he did 5…10…15…dare I say 30 years ago…but the truth is, His love has never changed or wavered. He loved me to the fullest before I was born, He loves me today with the exact same love…He never changes. I’m not being arrogant here, it goes for you too. He loves you to the fullest where you stand right now. With the exact situations you’re faced with today.
All that said, I’m choosing some things to be different. I’m choosing to see the world differently.
To my family, thanks for loving me from before I was born, and never giving up on me.
To my friends, thanks for loving me before I realized it through my selfishness.
To my co-workers, thanks for loving me even when I messed up.
To my future wife, thanks for being patient as I figure out life a bit.
To those I’ve walked away from, sorry…and thanks for the grace you’ve extended
To those I’ve hurt along the journey, sorry…let’s reconcile and walk onward in the Kingdom.
To those I never believed in, I’m sorry…I choose to see you through God’s eyes now.
To God, thanks for the journey and the life of grace and love extended to me through all of the ME of it all.
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